to Mary of Bethany, Lady Chastity I

I should not start my letter with that word
Especially as I think of whom you love
Entirely and forever your preferred,
A man, another lover, far above
 
Especially as I think of whom I love
Commanding with a beauty unsurpassed,
A man, an able comrade, far above
My simple needs and longings all amassed
 
Commanding with a beauty far surpassed
They want to shine like stars in darkest night,
My simple needs and longings all amassed
But rising to that sky’s ascending height
 
He sparkles better than the stars of night
As you sit listening wondering at his feet
While rising to that sky ascending height
And can I dare to hope that you would meet
 
As you sit listening wondering at his feet
With one whose needs are greater than his charm?
And yet I dare to hope that you will meet
In quiet conversation to disarm
 
The one whose needs are greater than his charm
My common sin, I covet someone’s wife
And hope by conversation to disarm
Although I know the end is endless strife 

My hidden sin, I crave another’s wife
I see in her an answer to my dreams
Although I know their end is endless strife
A tangled rat’s nest maze of stupid schemes

I see in her an answer to my dreams
My longing and my heartaches all fulfilled
A love’s nest vision glazed in harmless schemes
Where wanton passions finally are stilled

My longing and my heartaches all fulfilled
Until the dies irae dies illa
Of wanton passions finally is chilled
And I am found in alien boudoir

When the dies irae dies illa
Exposes me for playing such a fool
And when I’m found in alien boudoir
Amid the blushes of her reticule

Exposed to all for playing such a fool
I cannot answer or explain my case
Amid the brushes of their ridicule
For I have sworn to be forever chaste

I cannot answer or explain my case
When language knows no sexualizing needs
And I have sworn to be forever chaste
Of thoughts words and forbidden deeds

Where language knows no sexualizing needs
What explanations can I hope to give
Of thoughts words or forbidden deeds
Within the scope of my life’s narrative

What explanations should I try to give
To Chastity who dwells in spirit pure
Within the pages of my narrative?
Your soulful gaze on him suggests allure 

To one who hoped to live in spirit pure.
I’ll bring a troubled past before your eyes.
Your soulful gaze on him presents a lure 
To follow him who keeps you as his prize

He knew my troubled past before his eyes
Came down to rest upon your lovely face 
You followed him who kept you as his prize
And I could only follow in my place

And learn to walk before his dazzling face
Entirely and forever my preferred,
Because I have to follow in my place
I shall not start my letter with that word.